Be the Great Fool

It's been a while since I've written.  Last year was about others, in friendship, relationships, and work.  From volunteering in Nepal (Click here for the photos), to crazy road trips visiting loved ones (Pit-Stop #1, #2, #3, #4, #5), or with the ones I love.  If I wasn't traveling, my time was spend working in which case I made a website and a magazine.  All in all, I forgot to take time for myself.  This year is about regaining sacred space, and in tribute to that I will be working on a songbird series.  To get started I've been working on sketches.

This year has lots of promising and exciting adventures, from sending applications to festivals, possibly moving to another state, to finishing the anticipated Nepal film, to learning another language, and moving out of the country.  And in all of this, remembering to paint.  Many thing depend on a tiny little string of a plan, all of which could easily be broken.  Even if these things do or do-not happen, luckily I'm good at riding the wave.  So far this year has been extraordinarily freeing, and by re-focusing myself, I can then fulfill the goals and promises I've made to myself and others.  In other words, I know what my dream is and I'm well on my way to making it happen.  However, sometimes the universe has things to teach you and the side-paths are sometimes a necessary course.

This was all lead up to because of a comment I received from a person my friend met on the bus going from Bellingham WA to Vanouver BC.  She mentioned to him that she was down visiting a friend, and his remark was "The one with the great walk? Even if she doesn't know where she is going, she must get there with confidence." 

I do, often.  I'm not a planner, but I still do more then most.  And my life has turned into a series of moments that are more then just coincidence.  Being that during my friend's visit we read a book called Einstein's dreams, it was another one of those moments that are a bit too perfect when we were spending time in a used book store flipping to random pages and reading aloud, when we came to this snippet...

The fool is the most potent of the archetypes and also the most capable teacher of crazy wisdom. There are actually two types of fool: the foolish fool and the great fool. The foolish fool is inept and silly, a clown of the mind. The great fool is wise beyond ordinary understanding. The foolish fool is the one we see every day when we look in the mirror or walk down the street. The great fool is the rarest of beings.

Innocence is the trademark of both fools. The innocence of the foolish fool makes him clumsy and unsophisticated because he tries to live according to convention. The great fool, however, does not try to fit in; in his innocence, he lives by his own rules.  The foolish fool and his money are soon parted, but the great fool gives his money away. The foolish fool always gets lost, while the great fool is at home everywhere.  The great fool has different values then the rest of us and therefore is crazy wisdom's master of ceremony.

Einstein was a man who could ask immensely simple questions

The great fool, like Einstein, wonders about the obvious and stands in awe of the ordinary, which makes him capable of revolutionary discoveries about space and time. The great fool lives outside the blinding circle of routine, remaining open to the surprise of each moment.  We are the foolish ones, complacent I our understanding.  We take for granted the miraculous dance of creation, but the great fool continuously sees it as if for the first time.  The revelations of the great fool often shows us where we are going, or-more often- where we are.

 My only thought to the man's complement, "The great fool is never lost".  I will find my way, wherever that may be.

2015 Mantra

I am strong, I relax, I forgive.
I am going places.

It is easy to get wound up, it is difficult to put it behind you and move forward.  Live a life of going against the gain, the difficult path is always more rewarding.

Some people are good at constants, routines, and the day-to-day.  I however seem to demand an ever-constant flowing change, routinely moving forward, and day-to-day surprises.

I am Strong.  I have what I need to move forward.  I've been working up to this moment and now is that time to move, lung forth and leave behind my ties.

I relax.

I forgive.  I forgive myself, for all the choices I made, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be where I am now.  Take it as a blessing.  I forgive others, for the choices they made, they had to do what was needed in order to learn and grow, it was all for the best.

I relax.

In the last few months I've witnessed much drama based on people's assumptions, it is but a big reminder to follow these four agreements:
1.  Be impeccable with my word
2.  Know to not take it personally
3.  Not to make assumptions
4.  To always do my best.

I relax.

I am going places.  Read The Alchemist, again.  I am a creator, remember your thoughts shape your future.  Your words create today.  Your choices become your reality.  Watch for the signs, they've been there all along, and sometimes sting your harder then you asked for.

This is what the sting ray was telling you.

He is letting you know that everything is now in place. You have the knowledge, you have the means, you have the tools and you have the skills – now get busy and get on with it. Everything you have worked toward is open to you so stop hesitating. Have faith in your abilities and follow your inner guidance.
Alternatively Stingray is asking you to stay on course and keep moving forward. Don’t allow distractions or drama to sway you from your journey. Do not be afraid to protect your own path.

Vonnegut

This has to be the best advice I've ever herd.

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Inbound from Nepal

I know its only been a few weeks but it feels like half a year.

This trip has been many things.  As one trekker put it, "this trip was like being tossed into the inferno and having all the extra crap burned off."  If you are ever in the mood for a crazy experience, Nepal is defiantly the place to go.  One thing to note, everything here is tougher.  Even the Gorkha soldiers are seen as some of the most fierce warriors and still to this day protect the British Royals.  The country itself has over five times more land then the actual measured area because of elevation change as well as having eight climate zones.  This is the land of extremes.  Its temperamental to the core.

Then there are the people.  I was fortunate enough to go to the tiny villages that very few whities ever visit, and the warm welcomes you receive from the bashful locals can only put a smile on your face.  Prepare to be dirty all the time and covered in bug bites.  There is no escaping it.  I think this was the smelliest I've ever been, so it is not for the faint of heart.  If you are afraid of germs, heights, needless recklessness, and the unknown, this is not the place for you.

Coming here is like going back in time.  Considering that I am filming the whole experience, it was odd to be running around with a camera and computer.  Such technology in an area where the majority of people walk, grow there own food, farm their own animals, and carry heavy baskets full of all sorts of stuff on their head is a little out of the ordinary.  Prepare to be surrounded by kids everywhere you go, they are curious of everything about you.

Solitude was not a part of this journey.  Traveling with a group was an experiment, one that I would not do again.  It's one thing when you can split and go do your own thing, but here everything was together.  I know this fits for some people so I am not speaking for everybody.  If you want a guided trip where there is no need to worry about anything because everything is being taken care of, then this is the package for you.  For the traveler there is no planning.  All transportation, accommodations, food, water, and services were pre-planned.  Even visits to major destinations were covered because you are shuttled from one location to the next until you don't even care where you are going.  You certainly get your moneys worth, but just know the precautions.

There are a lot of things that could have gone horribly wrong on this trip, but didn't.  I would like to say they were all close calls, some of them more extreme then others.  But ultimately we all made it out unscathed and quite casually at that.  Somehow it all worked out in the end.  I still shake my head just dumbfounded by it all.

I have almost a terabyte of footage to go through that the three of us were able to shoot on this trip alone.  That does not include the previous footage that we are going to have to sift through from previous treks, and the footage over the next year that we will be collecting.  The payoff to this whole journey is the fact that I get to work with some amazing people to try and expose something big that will hopefully have a huge impact on society.  I know I speak far to generally right now, but I would rather work hard to complete the project before giving away too many surprises.

More to come.

And for those who would like to know the itinerary:

It started in Kathmandu.  A couple days in the city to get acclimated, fit in some shopping, and see the big temples, religious sites, and old castles.  We even went to one of the Thannka Schools to see the painters working there and hear about their meanings.  It was nice and we saw some amazing sites, but as always I was looking forward to getting out of the dirty, noisy, black smog filled cities.

We started our 6-8 hour bus ride to the Gorka district to head into the hills.  This bus ride is one of the sketchiest things I've ever done.  The main 'Highway' out of Kathmandu into the lower valleys and along the river towards the himalayas is a small, narrow, and winding road full of giant tourist busses and tankers.  There is a least one crash a day, with a couple really fatal crashes where a bus falls off the cliff and into the river.  One our ride back we witnessed one of these crashes.  Then after reaching the hills we then went up a dirt road for over 2 hours that was only one lane wide.  It was bumpy, had no railing to speak of, and sometimes no more then two inches of space between road and cliff.  We were in a bus not made for off-roading and even the bus driver protested at one point.  But with lack of space to turn around, we had to go forth.  We made it just after the sun went down and enjoyed a moon lit hike away from the drop off point into the crisp mountain air.  We spend the night in tents on the grounds that had just been purchased by ELA (Everest Learning Academy) to build an orphanage.  From here on our I'm going to be vague with names and locations.  We've cover a lot of different towns, villages, districts, regions, and general locations.  So it's been a bit fuzzy.

At this point I should fill in the characters.  A Doctor, 11 trekkers, and 30 porters.  Dr. T, founder of Ecopolitan and ELA is the one that hosts these treks to raise money for the charities he supports.  The trekkers includes two of his family members, his mother who is 83 years old and his youngest sister.  Then his assistant, three filmers including me, and an animator for the upcoming film.  Then an extra 4 regular trekkers, one of which had joined in order to volunteer for one of the schools  The 30 porters were there to cook our food, boil our water, set up our tents, and carry our luggage.  Might I add how crazy all these people are.  Some would cary up to three large bags with other small items in between on their heads strapped together with rope and hike up crazy hills with snow while in flip flops.  Meanwhile all us 'trekkers' had only one small backpack all the while complaining that we were out of water.

The next day we started up into the mountains, porters in the lead.  After 8 hours of giant stairs through rhododendron forest we arrived into the cloudy hilltops (Or in this case not-hill-tops, everything is just a giant canyon) at a 'Holy' Lake only to be greeted by the two Himalayan ranges Annapurna and Ganesh Himal after the clouds split.  We stayed here for the next two nights using one of the days to go exploring further into the mountains.  But mostly just siting by the campfire and taking pictures.  Every day intense thick fog would roll in only to split right at sunset and give us extremely clear nights with the full moon as our lighting.

We woke after the second night to pack up all our stuff and head back down towards the rivers.  This day we hiked down 6,500 ft.  to stay in a village at our first school.  ELA is not a part of this school because there are politics with another charity repressing them from taking further action.  DR.T hopes to come to a peace agreement with the other charity so they allow the village to accept help from us as well.  The schools are in very poor shape, and there is not enough funding to have the amount of teachers they need.  Most kids stay home in places like this to help on the farm rather then get any education.  Problems follow areas such as that like child abduction.  ELA doesn't just give the kids a better education, but helps the lowest cast system become a stronger more fulfilled community.  Later that night before bed the village hosted a ceremony, with music which they later asked us to join in there dancing.  At the time it was a riot, and we later came to see all the villages had us join in this way. The next morning we had a long meeting and the school has agreed that they do want help and are willing to follow the steps to get started, even without the permission of the other charity that has threatened to pull out.   Then we were off.

We swam at the river which was so nice after being as smelly as we were, having not showered in a week.  After the day there we hiked back up the other side of the canyon to the next village.  This time we were greeted with a big celebration.  This was a place ELA had been contributing for 6 months.  Already there were huge differences not only in the behavior and demeanor of the students, but the quality of the classrooms and teachers.  We were showered in flowers, given a grand entrance, and sat through a long welcoming speeches and more singing and dancing.  We camped at the school, recharged batteries and reset.  Then once again off the next morning.

Now, I'm going to breeze through the rest of the schools, because we would do as many a one to three of these ceremonies a day.  It was great to see the effects it was having on the children and the communities, and we only saw but a fraction of the areas where ELA is involved.  But by the end I felt bad that I wasn't as excited to see the kids as they were to see us.  The idea behind these treks is that by going to the villages and showing them that we care and that we are still paying attention gives them incentive to keep their community nice and to do as well as they can.  Every trek (two a year) re-routes to new locations so that over time all the schools will be visited.  I think this is a very effective way to show our support and keep the motivation alive.  Plus it was a wonderful experience to share with so many different people.

We eventually hopped back on the road and shuttled ourselves into the lower valleys to Chitwan, here we spent some time at a 'Resort,' where I made good friends with the resort-kitty who spent time with me.  We did Elephant rides to go see the rhinos near the river, as well as bathing the elephants.  There I got to ride the elephant by climbing up the trunk, over the head, and onto her back.  Other then that we finished up interviews and ultimately relaxed after having done so much.  We visited on of the orphanages and went to a few more schools before returning on the long bumpy road to Kathmandu.  This trip we had a couple close calls almost colliding with other cars but came out unharmed.  On the way we saw two reck s, one a giant tanker that I don't even know how it could have possibly got in the position it was in.  The other a bus that had fallen off the cliff the day before and killed 5 people.  Back in the city, we finished up some scripting and questions for interviews before eventually catching our flights home.  It is now the 28th, and I left on the 26th- that does not account for the day I gain from going back in time to the West Coast.

And here I am.  Already making plans to return to Nepal in a month and continue to Israel just following.  We are well on the way to making something big.

Its is so cheesy but I love it so much.

Outbound

"Lily, think of everything, all of it: every mountain before you, every pound you carry, every dollar you wish to manifest... as if it were made of pixie dust.

Suddenly, dominion over all things isn't so intimidating, huh?

Tallyho,
    The Universe"

On Saturday I will be flying to Nepal to hike the mountains to film a documentary.  Some day it doesn't feel real, yet at the same time this insane amount of adrenaline reminds me that it is happening.  I've been wishing for this, funny how easily it happened.  My mantra this year is "Dreams open up reality," and I'm well on my way.

IDEA Awards Submission

So for the last month I've been working like a mad woman on this piece.  It's three 36" by 36" canvases painted with acrylic.  I've never worked so big in such little time.  I had a dream early on about it, and I was specifically told not to over-work.  So it was an experiment with trying not to be perfect, being okay with it, and moving on.  I like how it turned out.  I'll get better pictures of it later to show the details, but the submission was due today and this is what I had!

This was the essay I wrote to accompany it.  Don't really know what anyone will think of it.  I had a lot more that I wanted to say, but it's probably for the best to keep it short.  Enjoy!

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“Nostagia” IDEA Awards competition
By Lily "Sky" Bergsma-Rockenbach

 According the Merriam-Webster dictionary, nostalgia is defined as an “excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition.” What makes people different is our passionate yearning through memory and desire. This has always been one of our biggest obstacles, and the challenge of overcoming it can only be achieved through a state of peace and acceptance.

The painting “Nostalgia” is a triptych made up of 3 canvases, each measuring 36-by-36 inches, which together represent a romanticized landscape that melds geometry and geography. Each canvas is displayed spaced three inches apart in order to match the main element of the work: a 12 by 12 circular grid creating six-inch diameter circles in a four by four pattern behind a 270-degree view of Vancouver B.C.

"Nostalgia" was created specifically for the SAM unit at VGH and UBC Hospital Foundation. I have given much thought into the composition, colour, and philosophy behind the imagery.  Most importantly, I hope for my ideas to be inherent to the viewer so anyone could find themselves lost within the piece. Isolated geographical areas have been distorted to create a balanced composition that accentuates mountains, city, and sea while still representing a space that is recognizable. In order to capture the essence of what makes this city desirable I needed to seamlessly balance these three elements on a micro and macro level in which anyone could escape reality. Most ideas behind colour theory psychology are that it is a new-age approach to therapy, yet I find that it holds true on some level, and is always important when considering design. The undertone of this painting is turquoise, which is both calming (blue) and energizing (yellow) and promotes mental and emotional stability.

My own particular philosophy has penetrated the work through the use of geometry to create a romanticized symmetric structure. If I were to take ideas from the German philosopher Friedrich Schelling, geometry would be my way of uniting mind and matter by giving a way for our senses to perceive spirit through structure. Where there is no form there is only space, and through this is the key to nostalgia because it is the mind that fills the void with thought and from thought comes being. To be: to have a sentimental yearning for life and an absolute abandon until we reach peace and acceptance.

In conclusion, I have created this triptych, “Nostalgia,” for no other reason then for it to be placed in the SAM unit of the VGH and UBC Hospital foundation. My hopes is that this painting is of consideration. Every element of this work has been crafted for its intended audience and I would be honoured if I could, through my artwork, aid and add comfort to the healing process of those in need.

 Thank you.

To Be Von Rockenbach

I wish he had written a book of his life.  There is so much that has been experienced, I try to lurk around so I can grab glimpses of the past and start to string things together.  Some might say he's a grouch, but I just see that he has dealt with some shit.  He's a mans man.  Men want to be him, women fall in love with him, and he is smart as a whip.  He can get a point across in very few words, yet still often decides against wasting his breath.  I'm glad I have been fortunate enough to see into his life, because no one really knows the lone wolf.  Many have met him and I'm sure have never forgot, but I am one of the very few that got to stick around.

I'm his youngest daughter, it is probably one of the greatest honors I'll ever have.  As far as there being reasons behind this, I'm not sure anyone would be convinced based on the stories I told.  It's not like he was the best father out there, or even the best person.  There was just something about him, and maybe no one will ever really think the same way I do, but that's not the point.  There is something in my blood that came from him, and whatever that might be its an important key to understanding my own existence.  And the best thing I could say about him, is he's a bad ass mother fucker.

He was born in '37, right after the depression and right before the second world war.  He grew up as a six year old child listening to the progress of each battle bitting his nails because he wasn't sure of who was who, only that someone was winning.  His family had owned a Speakeasy in Chicago in the '20s, but that world was long gone.  Home life was too tough so he left at the age of 14 to live in a motorcycle shop fixing bikes and thing.  He went through lots of work in those years before finally making it out of high school.  However he finished a year early because of the fact that he had been kicked out of Kindergarten.

Age 17 now and looking for work he lied to an airline in Chicago, who offered him a job in San Francisco.  That was exactly what he had hoped for he packed up his car and drove out to the West Coast.  It was now 1956.  Being that there was a draft for the Korean War, he volunteered to serve his four years as a worker rather then a soldier.  He was smart enough that the government wanted to send him to Yale to be a translator.  Being that he hates authority and never wanted to be someones interpreter slave, he said fuck that.  The government being pissed that anyone would say know to such an amazing opportunity they stuck him as a electrical mechanic.  It's great to hear my dad laugh about these thing, even now he says "what the fuck was I thinking."

Four years passed, he got out of service, and was given his job back because everyone who served in the war was protected by law for it.  It lasted only a week because he found it was more fun to play gigs as a jazz drummer on Broadway Street in San Francisco.  Not because it made more money, just because that is what he loved.  It was now 1960, and for the next several years he played in the jazz scene with some of the best people out there, and some of the some crazy.  It wasn't a glamorous life, but it was probably the most exciting life he could have had.  In an oddly insane way.

Eventually he went to school at Berkley to be a mechanical engineer learning physics and computers.  I'm sure there is even more to it then that, but this is where I could only begin to piece things together.  This holiday trip I really wanted to dig deeper into who he was.  I got the juicy details, this is just the rough timeline.  That is part of the reason I am so fortunate to be who I am, I get to hear the amazing adventures that few have ever herd before.  And the best part is, I get to hear him laugh while he tells it.

Love you Dad, I'm proud to be from this crazy line.

P.S.  Now he is retired and builds/fixes up cars.  He's got 12.

Being that he was a jazz drummer playing with the best of the best, I never really dared to try and have him listen to the music I like.  Recently I just could not help but hear the influence from one to the other.  Last summer I told him for the first time how much I love to dance.  This time I braved up and showed him the music that it was too.  Before you knew it he was bopping his head and saying "this is cool."  Not only does he like Darkside, but Drum n' Bass, future, and the work of people I know.  I've never needed validation for much, but this was the pinnacle.  More then any of my own achievements, the fact that I can introduce my dad to the newest leading edge music of today melts my heart.  He's always been a hard one to impress, and I found his soft spot.

Berlin

Gaiser- A Berlin Resident

"The place is so cool that it’s disconnecting itself from the reality of what’s normal."

Anytime someone has asked me why I like Berlin I go speechless.  I think this is why.

A thought that came up recently; the difference between those who must talk about how great they are, and those who just are.  Some feel they have nothing to prove.  Just like people all the biggest cities love to brag, except Berlin.

Being in the same resonance of the city at the time, I made no effort to share my experience there.  But now I've been dreaming of going back, and today I came across that perfect sentence of why I love the place. So whether it's for my own ego or the hopes that maybe this will come in handy to some lonely traveler who has lost their way, here are some mementos of what I remember.

This city sets a high standard in art, music, and lifestyle.  It is largely an international city, and everyone is from everywhere.  Its as if every black sheep decided they needed somewhere to be themselves, and the casualness of its brilliance is spine-tingling.  To remember that Germany was the start of the Romanticist movement, it all begins to make sense.  This is the land of hedonistic indulgence, in the most mellow way imaginable. Because even behind the craziness, there is still an ethical and moral code that people act and treat each other with dignity.  It's the land of purpose, and you better know what yours is.

Physics claims that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  This is just as valid for the human condition.  Think, the fall of the Berlin wall marked a very prominent check point.  Before then there was serious repression and torment to those who didn't behave in a certain order- or even for those who hadn't come from a certain bloodline.  Now there has been a sling-shot effect that has catapulted the cities demeanor to be one of the most radicley exuberant cities I've ever come across.  Yes the people may act a bit ridged and can not fathom bending the rules, but when they let loose no competitor even comes close.  And personally it seems to me that's all anyone wanted to do.

In the states the idea is "go hard," because you have three hours to party.  In Berlin there is no need, because the parties go for 30+ hours.  Most Berliners don't even bother showing up until well after 4 in the morning.  And that's fine, becasue each DJ plays 5-10 hours. No one is rushed, over anxious, pushy, or rude.  Like I said, they are so extraordinarily casual I could not emphasize this enough.  They just do exactly what they want to do without any concern of ever "missing it."  It's refreshing seeing a place where no one is trying to out-better anyone else.

Store owners have a ping pong table set up outdoors to play while business is slow.  You can be eating outside and the people next to you strike up a conversation just because they noticed something funny.  The parks are decorated as if  they were an old fashioned garden party out of Alice and Wonderland, with giant benches you must climb into and a disco-balled bus used for seating.  Cameras are not allowed in clubs, so people can act or do what they like without fear of someone posting images online. Thinking of an analogy, it's as if the lost-boys of Neverland accidentally grew up and all decided to build Berlin. 

While living in the city my bestfriend said the most proufound thing.  That here, music emanates off the buildings.  It's true.

I decided I want to share some images of the city.  None are my own, because while I was traveling I was robbed in my own hotel.  Having lost my computer and camera I can not share with everybody what I really saw, but by sharing a collection of images that I believe portray the integrity of this historical city I will hopefully translate that warm fuzzy feeling I get when I think about going back.

This was where my friend and I first got off the train having just come from the golden streets of Paris!  Didn't really know what to think, by that night I had already fallen in love having realized we had come exactly where we had wanted to.

Leave the comfort of the streets and you'll find yourself wandering through abandoned building that have been converted into one giant outdoor art installation.

This city is for where younger siblings go to be themselves.



Thanks Tech Beats for the opening quote.  You really sparked back up that forgotten feeling.

Draft of Hyperbolic Space

Not a high resolution photo of not a complete painting.

The original title for this piece was "Does Not Exist," Which I think is still a very suiting title.  I just found out I first started this canvas in September 2011, you can see my first image in this link.

1)  Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid:

"A metaphorical fugue on minds and machines in the spirit of Lewis Carroll".

By exploring common themes in the lives and works of logician Kurt Gödel, artist M. C. Escher and composer Johann Sebastian Bach, GEB expounds concepts fundamental to mathematics, symmetry, and intelligence. Through illustration and analysis, the book discusses how self-reference and formal rules allow systems to acquire meaning despite being made of "meaningless" elements. It also discusses what it means to communicate, how knowledge can be represented and stored, the methods and limitations of symbolic representation, and even the fundamental notion of "meaning" itself.

This idea is represented throughout the work.  Fugue is a perpetual loop, a melodic harmony that can layer itself one over the other.  The image itself is full of mathematics and symmetry, where certain ratios and shapes are in perfect alignment with every other element in the work. 

2) Polyhydra or The Platonic Solids:  

Through history, polyhedra have been closely associated with the world of art. The peak of this relationship was certainly in the Renaissance. For some Renaissance artists, polyhedra simply provided challenging models to demonstrate their mastery of perspective.  For others, polyhedra were symbolic of deep religious or philosophical truths.  For example, Plato's association in the Timaeus between the Platonic solids and the elements of fire, earth, air, and water (and the universe) was of great import in the Renaissance.  This was tied to the mastery of geometry necessary for perspective, and suggested a mathematical foundation for rationalizing artistry and understanding sight, just as renaissance science explored mathematical and visual foundations for understanding the physical world, astronomy, and anatomy.  For other artists, polyhedra simply provide inspiration and a storehouse of forms with various symmetries from which to draw on.  This is especially so in twentieth century sculpture, free of the material and representational constraints of earlier conceptions of sculpture. 

I have hidden numerous Polyhydra within the work, including cubes, hexagons, and star tetrahedrons.

3) String Theory/ Einstein's Unified Field Theory
In my own words, all I want to say is that there are many different ideas out there.  With the current models for Quantum Mechanics and General Relativity, there is no law that functions for one as it does the other.  Essentially these two very separate fields of study have no commonalities.  And we continue to follow the rules and laws we have set in place because 99% of the time it works.  Einstein was the one who came up with the philosophy that there exists something that unite these two fields of study.  String theory claims to have solved this age old problem, however there have been multiple "answers," just none accepted by the masses.

This work represents the miniscule- quantum mechanics through mathematics, and the infinitely  large- general relativity through space.  All these elements will mirror each other once you reach a certain degree, such as the harmonic scale starts over when you reach the next octave.

4) Ying Yang/The Torus
Most people have always known that the yinyang symbol stands for balance of opposites.  But around a year ago when I first saw this video and herd research on the Torus, I was a little blown away.  A deep obsession of mine has always been black holes.  The idea behind the Torus is that it moves inward and outward through its core into space and back again.  Perpetual loop (Theme of GEB at the top)  Some believe black holes to work this way, matter and particles being sucked in and spit out again.  At the center of every galaxy (including ours) exists a black hole, and currently we are being spit out.  




As you must have noticed at the exact center of this work is an yinyang symbol, which is also the eye of the gecko.

5)  Soundwaves, Frequencies, and Music
Light and sound exists as waves.  Each has a unique wavelength, or frequency.  Every element in the universe has a frequency.  Cymatics.  Just saying.
Our current harmonic scale was invented by Pythagoras.  One note is different from its parent by half of the string's length.  So by sectioning a piece of sting in half, and a half of a half, and a half of that half, and so on gives you the scale of A B C D E F G, then it repeats an octave.  Perpetual loop.

I have imbedded this as imagery within the sphere.  Along with one of M.C. Eshers's images called "Circle Limit."  How this was achieved:  Take 6 consecutive circles and have them intersect each other just past the larger circles edge.  Take circles that are half their diameter and then place down 12 circles, all intersecting at the larger circles intersection.  Repeat this effect and you will notice that from the absolute center of the main circle outward, all the other circles intersect along a line at a ratios of 2:1.  Our harmonic scale.  This also represent infinity, because if you follow this pattern you will never come to the edge of the main circle. Its in other word expanding at an exponential rate.

 Look up "Mathmagic Land" from 1976.  Once again references back to mathematics, music, and Lewis Carrol
I must be an egghead.

6) Mandalas  

Sanskrit for ‘circle’ or ‘center’, mandalas have been used for thousands of years by indigenous elders and spiritual traditions, as a way of giving form to their prayers and weaving visions into the fabric of reality.  In nature, the ‘circle with a center pattern is the basic structure of all creation and is reflected everywhere we look. The center of a seed, a flower, a piece of fruit. The circling rings of stone dropped into water and the spiraling shape of a tiny seashell, up to the wide circular pattern of storms, celestial currents, the Sun, our solar system – and beyond! Every atom and every cell with its nucleus is a mandala.  In the Americas, Indians have long created medicine wheels and sand mandalas for healing and as a gateway to communion with the Divine.  In Tibet, mandalas have been used throughout the ages as an active form of meditation and integral part of spiritual practice. The creation of sand mandalas can take many hours or days to complete. When finished, monks gather in ceremony and they sweep their mandala away, emptying it into a nearby body of water as a blessing.  From Christian nuns to Aztec shaman, mandalas in various forms have been drawn, carved and created throughout the ages to infuse our visions with energy, to unify groups around an idea and to help ‘Dream Our World into Being’.  Pioneering psychiatrist Carl Jung used mandalas extensively in his own personal growth and as a way of communicating and understanding his clients’ subconscious.  He saw them as a “safe refuge of inner reconciliation and wholeness.” Today mandalas are even being used in European schools and hospitals as a way of calming, centering and enlivening patients and children.  Representing wholeness, mandalas can be seen as a model for the organizational structure of life itself, as a doorway into you are on the artistic path of life, you are surely in the right place to begin.

If you haven't noticed, the whole composition encompasses many elements of classical Tibetan mandalas.  The major one being the square, also known as "gateway of the universe."  The whole image works from the center point outward, and tries to express a form of enlightenment, a higher knowledge that can not be explained, but only experienced. 

7) Geckos 
  To read about the Gecko you can find more at this earlier post.

Living in Your Head

Don't confuse the idea of something with the object itself.

Mastery comes from the experience of something, not the expectation.

Do it because you want to, not because it's what you were told.

I've spent hours in front of a canvas this weekend, and the more time you spend in silence the more realizations that come to fruition.   These are ideas from the past, only to become true to my painting and my life once again.

Let me explain more clearly.

With myself and the people around me, I can often see that we become caught up with the idea of something.  In your head you have it all planned out, it's there, it even feels real.  In your head it's the truth, and gets to the extent that it is your reality.  It is important to let go of this misconception, because what is in your head isn't always (if ever) what is really happening.  This is how to master your reality.

In order to become a master of anything, there is a certain amount of focus and experience that needs to happen.  You can not just pick up any object and know it.  First you must hold it, then use it, and after many many hours will you then start to understand it. When you have mastered it, it's no longer a separate entity but part of you, an extension of yourself.  Don't expect to know it because you've been told.

Lastly, no one needs to do anything the way its been taught in the past.  Learn the rules so that later you may break them.   The only reason there has been any improvement or evolution in the world is because others were willing to try something new.  Be on the leading edge, do what feels right in the moment, and always create your own path.  Sure you shouldn't try to reinvent the wheel, but why not toss it out and just learn to fly?

Just some dizzy thoughts from a paint filled weekend.

Songs from Time

Now this is what I call cool.















Credit where credit is due.

The songs from trees, a measure of time, calculated into sound, from an old technique of scratching needles against spinning plates.  A simple rhythmic poem, made from life forms much older then us.  Time sped up to match our own fluttery existence.  Simply, songs from times gone by.

Summer Solstice

As part of my routine during any major event or crossroad, it's time to re-examine who I am and what I want to accomplish for the months ahead.  Yesterday was the Solstice and tomorrow is the full moon.  Two very important actions to be happening at such a crazy turning point in my life.

Life is really full of surprises, sometimes good or bad.  But I have also learned that even the bad ones can lead to something good. Everything is a sine wave.  Or as I also like to say, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  You can never be on an all time high, because an all time low will be waiting just behind it. However...

"This too shall pass."

Good or bad.  The best thing you can ever do is except inevitable changes.  It doesn't mean it has to be easy, just that it is what it is.  So, in letting go of the bad I allow for the good to return.  This is my way of letting go of the events that have happened, as hard as they were, to make room for something new.

Goals, aspirations, dreams, and desires for 2013: (Take note that it is important to write as if it is happening so that the action becomes something you are doing, verses something you will do.)

Health. I love that my appetite craves vegetables, protein, and fruit, and that it is effortless for me to cook creative and delicious meals for myself and those I love.  Having a garden is of the utmost importance and to share my own space as well as with others to grow your own food.  I start my mornings out with juicing my favorite fruits and vegetables, as well as eating big salads for dinner.  Fine wines and cheeses are appreciated in abundance over great company.  Everyday I effortlessly find some activity to stimulates my mind, body, and soul.  I exercise as often as possible in my home, with friends, or out and about by doing what I love.  I am forming habits out of eating healthy and working my body to have optimal health as an everyday achievement.

Wealth.  I am rewarded greatly and have an overflowing abundance of money from my efforts put towards working.  I make smart investments with my money which allows me to grow more wealth with ease.  Answers come at me consistently in forming solutions for saving money on expenditures.  I always have as much as I need to live a comfortable life.  I appreciate everyday having an over abundance of wealth in all categories of my life.

Love.  I am rewarded with someone who has the ability to make my heart grow bigger with each day, knows how to build trust and communication, and sparks a wild desire.  Acts independent but is still considerate of others,  listens while also building the conversation, loves me for my perfections and my imperfections.  Has a deep understanding of Plato's idea of virtues, and leads an ethical life.  Someone who realizes the difference between loving me and being dependent on me for love, and knows that touch can be stronger then words.  I openly share my heart with the one who lives up to these unreasonably high expectations.

Happiness.  Every day puts a smile on my face, I laugh uncontrollably as often as possible, and see through the absurdities of life clearly.  I am a utilitarian in every sense, and treat everything as a means towards a best possible outcome.  My happiness triggers other peoples happiness, and in turn it becomes a domino effect.  Everywhere I go laughter becomes an infectious monster that grabs people in and wont let go. 

Friendship.  The people that I am surrounding myself with are the ambitious ones, that uphold integrity,  who search for adventure, whose hearts are bigger then their chest, and are there through thick and thin.  I keep my eyes open for meaningful friendships, people I can grow with, learn from, and teach in return.  I embrace and treasure the people who think for themselves, always strive for a better solution, take action when needed, and tries to improve the lives of themselves as well as others.  And most of all every conversation will be a chess game of wit, where everybody wins.

Career.  I improve my skills every day, learning what I can from everything I come into contact with.  Each moment I spend working is like adding a brick to a magnificent castle I am building.  One day it will be complete and everyday I am one step closer to that goal.  I'm allowed to use my creative genius and create masterpieces.  I work in a uplifting environment and continue to meet people that can help me in my pursuit.

Travel.  Always and everywhere.  My life is in perpetual motion. Always evolving, always moving.  I seek new life, and new adventure.  Life is a creation, and I am a creator.  I travel long distances, and meet extraordinary people.  Each new place has something to give, and I have something to contribute.  I safely wonder to locations I have never been to before, and travel deeper down the rabbit hole of this place we call reality.

Art.  Dance, music, writing, film, painting, photography, and play are all just a form of my art.  My existence breaths art, and I find ways to fulfill that desire where ever I go.  These actions are my form of meditation, and this is how I clear my mind. 

Myself:  I'll continually commit to loving myself, having self worth and respect, pushing my boundaries, always achieving my best, and giving myself to others as much as is within my means.  I love unconditionally and have endless compassion.  I am shedding off the old, mentally, physically and materialistically.  I am ready to become the person I have been training all these years to be, I welcome that person with open arms.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yes I had to sever strings that I never thought I would have to let go of, and that I didn't necessarily want to let go of.  But there are certain things you never see coming and can be out of your control.  To those people, I'm sorry it had to end.  Thank you for everything you have taught me over the years, the memories I'll keep, and the adventures shared.  May you also rise up out of the ashes.

After an extraordinarily stressful 24 hours before the summer solstice, I had a very restful sleep for the first time in months only to wake up to this lovely email.

Fear, Sky, is like being invited to a party by a complete stranger to celebrate the life of someone you've never met, when you had other plans.

Should you choose to attend, however irrational it may surely seem, upon presenting your invitation at the gate you'd notice that it was in your own handwriting. Then you'd be warmly greeted by the most wonderful, familiar faces - everyone so excited, like you, because, it turns out, you're about to meet the person you've always dreamed you'd one day become.

Surprise!!
    The Universe

Always so on point.  Thank you.

Twas a Weekend of Subduction from Cupcakes

Everyone has that certain sound that makes their heart melt.  These are a few of mine.  These tracks will forever be on my top favorites list.  First start with this...

Last weekend was reserved for exploration in Portland and along the Oregon Coast.  Sometimes words do no justice in trying to contain the feelings and emotions of random happenings in strange cities with your friends.  During these trips memories become pictures and time stops.  You watch the light flicker by, and the sound of the ocean breeze out your window.  All is silent one moment, only to burst into rambunctious laughter the next.  The people that engage in these adventures are the one who are not afraid to try.  Even when the only plan you make fails, somehow you choose an even better path.  These are the people you want by your side.  The ones willing to take a risk without any guarantee of what will happen.  Driving in old VW busses that run off willpower alone, the nomadic wanderer thrives in the uncertain.  

Parting to go your separate ways is the hardest moment, but the memories of every adventure are contained in the snapshots you keep close.  Traveling with people builds stronger bonds, better character, and higher appreciation for life.  Thank you for all I have learned.

Mementos of a fabulous weekend...

Use this to cleanse you pallet. 

While we are on the topic of Boards of Canada, they just released a new album this last weekend!  Yay!  Keep your eyes out for the album Tomorrow's Harvest.

...and if you are just not done yet, try this!

Gecko

Sun is finally shining in the north-west.  Days consist of working in the garden, painting on the weekends, and riding horses in the mountains any time in between.  My posts have been thinned in the last few months, mostly because I have been expelling my creative energy at work.  My life has been on an extraordinary high, and summer hasn't even arrived yet!

But as a personal creative project, I have been working on rejuvenating a painting I haven't touched in more then a year and a half.  It is a large piece, 4'x4'- and an oil painting none-the-less.  (Something I am completely unfamiliar with)  Most of the recent layers are more a matter of covering up what was there, and starting over.  Something which seems to go along perfectly with the concept, however unintentional it was.

When I started the piece, it was paying homage to a picture I drew when I was thirteen.  I didn't realize its full potential until last year when I started reading about physics, quantum mechanics, and general relativity.  Mixed all that in with my love of mathematics, and we have a concoction for something crazy.

Now, normally I don't like showing work that is unfinished, but sometimes it is fun to see the comparison.  Other then the shapes, I am nowhere near complete.  Think of this work as a "sketch."

Getting into the science and mathematics of this work is a long and strenuous conversation that I am going to avoid this late at night.  But what I was mostly interested in documenting is the fact that I am using such an apparent animal as the focus of this work.  It would indeed be the Gecko.  Normally I work with shapes over landscapes, so this has been really new.

I decided I should figure out what the Gecko stands for in mythologies about totem animals and spirits, this is what i came across:

Shows how to be out-going with tact and how to cope and overcome obstacles, he will show how to let go of old outdated perceptions to make room for the new. Gecko can teach how to maneuver in this transition phase of mental, spiritual and emotional death and rebirth. He will show how to emerge successfully in this spectacular change within your Self. When Gecko appears it is also a time to pay attention to dreams and visions for he will show how to shift and molt perspectives. Are you holding too tightly to current perceptions and ideas? Are you balancing your emotion and mind? Gecko can show how there is regeneration in life's endeavors by listening to this inner guidance so one can find balance in this transition time.   (Link)

Most of this information could not have been more relevant.  The majority of the ideas behind this work is all about opposites.  Dark and light, and in the most inner core of that idea is transition and balance.  Even more of a coincidence is that 2012 was all about transition for me, travelling the world for eight months (alone- except for 6 crazy weeks) will do that.  It was almost like I needed to do the journey before I would be mature enough to appreciate the idea.

That's it.  I know most of what I said is rambling nonsense- there are reasons people say not to drunken-Internet.  But this is something I wanted to remember.  That is what I get for having an online diary.

..And if you haven't herd this, you should.  I've listened to it more times then I'd like to admit!