Definition: a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection.
To me it means everything and nothing at the same time.
My lack of effort put towards updates in this blog have been less then meager. There are many reasons, none of which I'll get into. And the longer I keep from making posts, the more awkward it feels to try and make one. Without making it too much about myself, I will try to articulate what it is I am still trying to grasp.
We are all on a very unique path, that takes us in many directions. That is common sense to most, an overly used saying for people to explain a feeling without even understanding it. Our path can often be lead by multiple factors, but I would like to look at it as a manifestation of one's goals and desires. The more you focus, the more likely you are to notice.
So is coincidence merely your goals reaching our conscious state? Or is there some truly unexplainable force that is weaving together the fabric of our lives with those around us in a seamlessly organic karmic reaction?
I started this year with the explicit goal to look for signs, to understand where my path is so that I may follow it. I read the Alchimist on the trip, again, which was the best book for me to read at this interval in life. Then the signs started flooding in. And not just little silly pansy signs, like, you are 20 times more likely to get struck by lightning then get this sign slapped in your face. Literally. I looked up the statistics.
So, with me well on my way to making the 'right' decisions so I could follow my true path, I was on my all time high. Things were flowing smoothly and everything was falling into place. Then I had a moment. The moment of doubt. This is when you have to question yourself and dig deep to understand whether or not you know why you are doing what you are doing, and if you are ready. It came to me laying in a beautiful grass field with my horse by my side and my two adorable dogs on the other. I have a wonderful life, so why would I voluntarily give that up?
I think this is where most people freeze. They don't pursue their dreams, because they are comfortable. They don't venture into the unknown, because their current state is pleasant. Why give up all you have, for something that doesn't yet exist?
Then I realized.... I'm in the Oasis.
I've had a long time goal that I set two years ago. And all I have done for the last two years has been working towards making that dream come true. But I started to get complacent in the place I was in, and I had almost lost site, or worse, given myself up for other people. Now the dream is in motion again, but I am stepping out of the oasis, and into the unknown.
I was on a high, and now the challenges have begun to arrive. The challenges are actually coincidences, and the coincidences come with emotion. Things are getting cloudy. But there is one thing I will remind myself throughout this next year. Don't panic. Remember, it is everything and nothing.
I used to think I was running away from something. Then it was apparent, I've just been running at something so much bigger. It isn't the end, just the building blocks to my inevitable castle.
That was written two years ago. With what I was setting out to go do, my belief was that I would have all the tool necessary to make my dreams come true. Dreams being an undeveloped idea that in being somewhere else things would all work out and I would be happy. I understand more then ever that happy is a state of mind, you either have it or you don't. Stop running after happiness, and away from unhappiness.
So all in all, I lied. I was running away, lets not fool ourselves now that we have hind sight. Having moved to a place where there was the most dense concentration of avoidant run-aways I think on this planet, I only made my own problems worse. I left the oasis to uncharted territory with a small team of people that would challenge everything I understood. I arrived whole, and was slowly picked apart piece by piece until there was nothing more of me then just broken lego parts scattered across the floor left to be swept up and tossed in the garbage. After regaining consciousness, I was able to find my pieces and put them back together this time better equipped then before. It took me a few months, but when I set back in place that last piece I was ready for my next adventure.
Thus the beginning of 2016. I came into the year with the attempt of making it as a painter. Through a strand of even more incredible coincidences I came to the now. Somewhere in another timeline I purchased that ticket to Germany and took off for some unknown realm of escapism. In this timeline, I decided to make a foundation that would put me on the right path. The path was still unmarked, but showed promise. In a hectic year of odd jobs I was able to start an apprenticeship for tattooing. It feels like destiny directed by coincidence, or maybe I'm just blowing smoke up my ass. Either way, there have been an incredible series of events that I could have never of planned for which has created a reality greater then what I could have asked for. Now my dreams can come true. Rather then being a misguided attempt of hope that it will work out, I know how to make it work.